Sunday, January 25, 2009

Happy Birthday to me.

I turn 21 today, and I'm going to spend my day simply trying my hardest not to sit around my house sulking. In addition to being unable to pay rent, buy food, get my checking account out of the negative, pay tuition, et cetera, I am now single. He came in while I was napping yesterday, told me he met someone else the day before, picked up (most) of his shit, and left. Just like that.

I'm so angry I can't sleep, so hurt I feel sick. Not three days ago we were talking about me moving in with him this summer, and moving to California together when we graduate. It's like the floor suddenly disappeared, dropping me into Jarvis's apartment below, and not with a safe landing on the couch. I dreamt of punching glass doors and slapping him, woke with clenched fists more than once. I know break-ups never get easier, but I could have never imagined they'd get harder. I've never felt this angry and sad all at once before. Well, I guess I've just never been this angry before. The last time I at least had a chance to see it coming.

2 comments:

Jeni said...

we most definitely are going to talk tomorrow :(

stephanie s bailey said...

today today???