Monday, January 26, 2009

Sunday, January 25, 2009


I'm going to start making postcards again. If I don't already have your address, please send it to me?

Happy Birthday to me.

I turn 21 today, and I'm going to spend my day simply trying my hardest not to sit around my house sulking. In addition to being unable to pay rent, buy food, get my checking account out of the negative, pay tuition, et cetera, I am now single. He came in while I was napping yesterday, told me he met someone else the day before, picked up (most) of his shit, and left. Just like that.

I'm so angry I can't sleep, so hurt I feel sick. Not three days ago we were talking about me moving in with him this summer, and moving to California together when we graduate. It's like the floor suddenly disappeared, dropping me into Jarvis's apartment below, and not with a safe landing on the couch. I dreamt of punching glass doors and slapping him, woke with clenched fists more than once. I know break-ups never get easier, but I could have never imagined they'd get harder. I've never felt this angry and sad all at once before. Well, I guess I've just never been this angry before. The last time I at least had a chance to see it coming.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I'm worried.

I'm getting pretty used to being broke and unable to buy food or pay bills, and I've learned pretty quickly how to not let it stress me out. However, my current situation is progressively getting worse and it's beginning to finally get to me. My private loan for school was denied, and I'm applying for a second with another company, but my sister had two turned down already too. If I don't get this one, then I won't be able to afford school, let alone food and rent. I really don't want to take a semester off, and if I do, I'm afraid I won't be able to afford to come back.

One positive thing though... I told the bosses today that I might have to leave for a semester and the big boss talked to her boss, who in turn talked to his boss, who agreed they could afford to hire me as a temp if I can't get work-study by being enrolled. So either way I'll still have my job. As much as I might complain, I do love my job.